TextsFromLastNight (2/?)

[Text] I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella’s were cheering me on with their back up tunes.
[Text] Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude.
[Text] I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
[Text] Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work.
[Text] I’m like ‘WOMAN, YOU’RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.’
[Text] Dude I’m hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man… I don’t think I can make it.
[Text] You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
[Text] We almost ended up sober because of u!!
[Text] I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment.
[Text] He’s been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
[Text] I appreciate the I’ll come bail you out of jail tone in the text.
[Text] Beyoncé wouldn’t let anything bad happen here.
[Text] Is this like a preordered booty call?
[Text] Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul – Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.