toprovoke:

the one where chandler bing needs to chill out | ask meme

  • “no you didn’t get me! it’s an electric drill. if you get me, you kill me!”
  • ‘donald duck never wore pants, but when he got out the shower he always put a towel around his waist. i mean, what’s that about??”
  • “they ate my last stick of um, so i killed them. do you think that was wrong?”
  • “wow i’m a duck i go quack quack i’m happy all the time!”
  • “so i can’t fire joseph, but i can sleep with his wife.”
  • “it’s not me, it’s my character!”
  • “he seduces his coworkers wives for sport and then laughs about it at the watercooler the next day.”
  • “no freakshow, she’s fictional!”
  • “TIME FOR BAYWATCH.”
  • “we can just stay in and cook for ourselves? *maniacal laughter*”
  • “take off your shirt!”
  • “you know those big streetsigns that say merge? i was thinking we could get one to hang over my bed. MERGE!”
  • “neat! i’m gonna die alone!”
  • “if i’m gonna be an old lonely man, i’m gonna need a thing. a hook. like that guy on the subway that eats his own face. so i figured i’ll be crazy man with a snake. you know CRAZY SNAKE MAN! i’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. kids’ll walk past my place and they will run. RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!”
  • “it’s 6:30 in the morning, we’re not working out. it’s over.”
  • “so, it looks like this internet thing is here to stay, huh?”
  • “yeah don’t worry about me, i’m fine. FUNG HA!”
  • “if i helped we could FIND THE FASTER.”
  • “her ankle is what you’re watching??”
  • “just doing her job.”
  • “will you marry me? will you… marry me? hey. you marry me.”
  • “no you can’t have my jacket, then i’ll be cold. you thought you were gonna be cold you shoulda brought your own jacket.”
  • “HEY! i don’t know why i did that.”
  • “i was making a coconut phone with the professor.”
  • “my girlfriend is out there thinking things over, YOU MADE ME GIRLFRIEND THINK!”
  • “yes, we know there are magazines with pictures of naked women in them.”
  • “i think it’s great you work here, you’re gonna make a lot of money and here’s your first tip: don’t eat yellow snow.”
  • “being with her has been like being on a vacation..?”
  • what may be perceived as high maintenance, is merely attention to detail. and… generosity of spirit.”
  • “have you figured out what started the fire, mr fireman?”
  • “hold the phone, you’re not elizabeth’s dad?”
  • “boy did we make friends with the wrong sister.”
  • “i don’t think you should say that even when you are healthy.”
  • “come on now ya big faker!”
  • “yes honey, i made it myself.”
  • “nice camouflage, for a minute there i didn’t see you.”
  • “i’m sorry, we don’t have your sheep.”
  • “i’ve just realised i can sleep with my eyes open.”
  • “look i took a test and it turns out i do put my career before men.”
  • “i am not BLAH, i am a HOOT.”
  • “someone on the subway licked my neck, LICKED MY NECK!”
  • “DEAR GOD THIS PARACHUTE IS A KNAPSACK!”
  • “all right, rock paper scissors for who has to tell her to leave.”
  • “sometimes i hold stuff like this and pretend i’m a giant.”
  • “i’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner, i rarely get to practise my meals before i eat.”
  • “oh that makes me feel warm in my hollow tin chest.”
  • “i say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.”
  • “hi! i make jokes when i’m uncomfortable.”
  • “why yes, pressing my third nipple, it opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of narnia.”
  • “can you lose your virginity again? i feel like mine’s growing back.”
  • “until i was 25 i thought the only response to i love you was oh crap!”
  • “we swallow our feelings, even if it means we’re unhappy forever. sounds good?”
  • “you know, i don’t think i care.”
  • “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!”